So it is very interesting to watch my three teenage daughters interact with one another. Wow it is like a Rollar Coaster ride, one day loving, one day fighting, one day disowning, one day defending. I have learned it is best not to step into the middle of those relationships, as they can turn just as quickly on me as they do each other. The second I try to defend one over the other the one I am defending all of a sudden jumps into defense of the daughter I was rebuking. It's best just to let them work things out on their own. In the end they usually just end up blaming some adult anyway, whether their parents, their teachers, other friends parents. The adults are just fun-suckers, we don't understand, we are too old to remember what it is like. Well I am not so old that I haven't forgotten that I thought that same way when I was their age.
I believe my children will be thick as thieves when they are older. That is one thing about family, we put up with a lot from each other. But now while they are young I wish they were more teachable. Proverbs says "Train a child in the ways he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it." (22:6) There is no verse that says he or she will follow it NOW while they are young. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.
I often think that I don't really know how to instill a LOVE of God in them. I don't know how to teach them about the things that are truly important. They know too much (sarcasm there) and I am too (fill in the blank here) for them to take me seriously. Yes I have hope and belief that they will see my example, they will see my love and dedication to Christ, they will want the peace and joy I possess, and when they are old they will not turn. But why do we humans seem to have to learn EVERYTHING the hard way. Why can't they listen now, why can't they heed wisdom and rebuke BEFORE they make mistakes or damage relationships. Why do we say so many hurtful things to each other, things that sink down to the depths of our soul where the affects are with us and dredging them out is painful and difficult.
It is sad that with my teens their friends/peers take so much presedence over family. This is one thing I have been onto my kids about. They go out of their way for their friends, they give their friends the seat of honor, they come first, rather than family. I harp and lecture about the fact that what will be important down the road is not what seems important now. That these boyfriends and high school friends will probably move out of their lives, or at least take a big step to the periphery. But family is with you forever and we need to perserve and honor those relationships.
The Bible says that "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." (1 Tim 5:8) And it also says "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." (Gal 6:10) And "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Phil 2:3-4)
I could list verse after verse, but it is clear that we are to care for others and that there is an order in which caring should follow, first and foremost family, then other believers, and ultimately all people.
Does that mean we give our family everything they "want", do we answer absolutely EVERY request and desire they have? Of course not if it is not beneficial to them. But we always are to speak the Truth in Love as the Word says, "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ." (Eph 4:15) and "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Eph 4:29) We are to look after others as Christ did, putting our agenda aside if it would be beneficial in the building and edification of the other person as Paul tells us "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." (Rom 14:19)
These are tough lessons to teach, and even tougher to live by. May the Lord show me Mercy and Grace and grow me up for the task. And may my children learn to love each other well and put their family in the place of honor the Lord desires for it.
